Workplace Horror Stories- Holiday Parties Gone Wild!!

The season is upon us! December is a magical month, hosting major holidays like Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, and Eid al-Fitr.  It is a time of warm greetings, festive decor, bustling activities and making memories- so, so, many memories.

That would include memories we would rather forget. 

Your hosts kick off the holiday season with stories curated to highlight the toxicity of the workplace holiday party.  Casual or formal, plus one or solo, these events are always well-intended celebrations, yet can fall into an abyss of poor judgements and scandalous events.  A mix of some of the more entertaining submissions and the Internet start off the last month of the season for your entertainment.

That One Booth Productions reminds everyone to be safe this season.  Designated drivers, rideshare, or public transport from these events will ensure you get home safely. 

That Old Photocopier Still Holds A Photo of Your Backside- Arc Technica
Alcoholics Anonymous
What is Sulphuric Acid anyway? 
Adultery and the Workplace- SHRM 
Hire My Mom

Transcript

0:01

The Toxic Tea Room podcast is for entertainment purposes only. Neither the toxic tea room nor its parent. That one. Booth Productions, LLC, is responsible for the statement or opinions of its guests, submissions, content derived from publicly available sources or from the North Pole's toy making company Ho Ho. This podcast and its parent company are not responsible for any actions due to any content produced in this podcast. Unlike, you. You are still responsible for being on the naughty list. Listeners are encouraged to vet any recommendations with certified professional personnel. For more information on our disclaimer as well as to see some amazing additional content, please visit www.toxictroom.com. But Santa. Santa, you forgot to tell him something. Santa. Oh, that's right, Snowball. Merry Christmas. Ho, ho, ho. I'm Roberta. And I'm, stella. Welcome to the toxic tea room. The bathroom smells. I thought smoking wasn't allowed. We're at the bar with drink tickets that HR ah handed. out speech is done. time for fun. Is the DJR CEO. I guess it's time for another horror episode. Holiday version. Woohoo. I can't believe it's December already. And I can't believe after what we went through in October, that once again we're doing workplace horror stories. Wow. Well, I just got a question for you. How did you get Santa Claus, of all people, to read the disclaimer? I mean, was I'm connected? I'm connected. My network is endless. My network is. Mean. That was cool. Now, I'm not saying he wasn't drunk. I'm just saying I'm connected. He might have been plastered. I'm not quite sure. Snowball certainly has a gripe. I think Snowball needs to go see HR. god. I mean, even Santa doesn't care for toxic work environments. And he wanted us to talk about why so many holiday parties make him ending up putting coal in the stocking and, in the presents under the tree. So we've got a small selection to start. I don't know. Trigger warning if there's any poop stories in here, guys, I don't I hope not. I'm a little worried because the first one I'm about to read does involve a janitor. So I'm a little concerned, maybe. Okay. There was this quiet old janitor that worked our office building who was scheduled rather to retire on Christmas. So our Christmas party kind of included his farewell. We gave gifts to each other, put up a Christmas tree. People brought cakes and pastries Christmas stuff. Then here comes the old janitor, and he leaves a fairly big bag of presents under the tree. I'm going to tell you right now, Stella, because you found this story, right? Yes. I'm m going to stop right here on the fairly big bag of presents. If the janitor has poop in those presents, you and I need to step outside. I'm just going to warn you because it's literally the first story. I'm not ready for any of that. I'll keep going. I'll keep going. We're all kind of surprised because no one seemed to interact with him that much. But nonetheless, we thank him and wish him the best and stuff. And then he leaves and presumably sets off to the midwest. Oh, that's right, because he was retiring. The next day, we open the presents. Stella. stella. Including his from the janitor. Turns out the retiring janitor gave everyone in the office a little bottle of sulfuric acid. What now? Wow. I'm coffee to even thinking about it. everybody got one. Even me. I still have it. We don't know where he got them or how much they cost, but apparently he hated our guts. I'd say our new janitor has no idea why everyone is treating him so nicely. I want to see the bottle. Was it labeled? I don't know. M what I'm saying. I hear you, candidly. I'm just glad it isn't poop. You had me there with the janitor. I'm like, yeah, I don't know. Anyway, that's a kind of savage gift. It's a savage gift. So here's something I learned about alcohol and holiday parties, because the first segment of, our stories are all alcohol related for holiday parties. almost seven in ten respondents in a recent one poll survey think too much alcohol is served at holiday office parties. And almost 74% said that they purposely limit how much alcohol they drink at these events. But that effort has its limits, as 56% say they've worried they might be fired following their company holiday party. That's pretty crazy. We're not the ones saying there shouldn't. Be alcohol, but, I mean, it's a catch 22. Because while everybody can find people they get along with at work and enjoy an after hours event, sometimes with a plus one, sometimes it's just an office thing, and alcohol tends to free the tongue and lower inhibitions. And that, could be catastrophic in so many ways. But also, alcohol is how you can deal with all those people. So what do you do? I mean, I'm not saying I dislike people in general. I'm just saying that to spend an exorbitant amount of time after work with the same people that drive you nuts during the day alcohol makes it easier. That's all I'm saying. Alcohol makes it easier to take. Totally. so I'll get started with the first alcohol induced holiday work party story. Okay, so I work at a fairly large law firm, and at our last holiday party, my coworker's boyfriend had a little too much to drink. So it's the coworker's boyfriend. Okay. He told everyone, literally everyone, including all the firm partners, about her coworker explosive diarrhea in graphic detail. He was a marine and compared her bathroom to the toilet trenches of war torn Afghanistan. OMG. M to make matters worse, on his way out, he proceeded to tell all of our coworkers of color that he was no longer racist. I can't believe that. Wow. So crazy. I mean, I think they broke up. I think it's a safe guess. Telling people about my poop? Oh, my gosh. That's crazy. First of all, I remained in stunned silence because even indirectly, we still managed to get a poop story in which I don't know what that says about us. I got it out of the way. I got it out of the way. I appreciate it. I appreciate it. Thank you. and yes, I mean, that is definitely breakup conditions. and there are limits, for heaven's sakes. All right, so I've got one. I've got one. Let's see. Okay. it was the first holiday party that my office had hosted in many years. Naturally, many employees were eager to take advantage and enjoy the well earned libations. libations is another word for what? Alcohol? I can't wait to see where this goes. I was tentative at first, but joined the fray once I saw that upper management was fully committed to the good time. I e getting completely hammered. Rule number one never try to keep up with those people. Oh, I know. Let them do it all by themselves. Take the high road. Record it. Oh, my God. Record it for blackmail. I'm just kidding. I quickly caught up to the pack, thoroughly enjoying myself and telling many stories as I am. Want to do? Bad idea. Unfortunately, I got a little too caught up in the moment and at the climax of a particular story, swung my arms in the air for emphasis. As I did, my hand hit the bottom of a beer bottle just as my colleague put it to her lips, causing her to hit herself with it. After the initial shock had worn off and she cleaned up the spilled beer on her clothes, she turned to me to tell me she was okay, and if I wasn't feeling bad enough, my guilt skyrocketed. As she spoke, I noticed that her front tooth had broken as a result of the bottle hitting her face. damn, dude, it must have been a hell of a story. I mean, I'm Italian and I don't wave my hands hard enough to chip someone's damn tooth. wow. let's see. Wait, hold on. Sorry, guys. okay, it wasn't completely knocked out, but it was chipped well enough to be unmistakable. I felt completely horrible and informed her of what happened, and she ran to the bathroom to confirm. To her credit, she was slightly embarrassed when she returned, but stayed at the party and went out of her way to tell me that it was no big deal. Regardless, I still felt like a jerk the rest of the night. A few days later, she went to the dentist, had the tooth fixed, and it was a relief that no permanent damage had occurred. But I won't be telling any more stories at holiday parties for a while. At least restrain your hands if you're going to do it. this is why. This is why. it's not a race to the bottom at these parties. You don't have to get listeners. You don't have to get hammered. Exactly. And stay clear of people. I don't drink beer from the bottle anyway, typically, so I, prefer a glass if I'm going to. I'm not much of a beer drinker to begin with, but I don't just take it from the bottle. And now I never will. Based on that story, I never will because some jackhole is going to be waving his hands in the air, waving him like you just don't care, smacking the beer into my teeth. I got to pay for the hospital dentist bill on that nonsense. No, thank you. Oh, my goodness. Well, there's m no need to cause permanent tooth damage. And I think most of us have seen that one person who acts a fool with liquor. Right one. Here's a doozy story for you. I have a friend who works for a bank. For some reason, their holiday party was being paid for by a law firm. Can we pause there real quick? So you have a federally regulated institution in the bank, and a law firm was paying for the party? I don't know. Yeah. That's weird. That's weird. Okay. During this party, which had a karaoke machine present this is fantastic. My friend got rip roaring drunk on shots and booze. He normally wouldn't drink, but did because someone else was footing the bill. I think that's ridiculous. Those people that's not even an excuse. I don't drink. Since you're pain. I'm going to get hammered. No, you drink, dude. Ah, you drink a lot. Being fully fueled with liquid courage, my friend grabbed the mic and proceeded to try and start a chant to the effect of name of law firm sucks. He tried to start a chant. So, at the bank where a law firm was footing the bill for the party, where Homie was getting absolutely wrecked on someone else's liquor, he starts a chant. Like if it's ABC Law Firm. He's saying, ABC m Law Firm Sucks and actually tries to start that. In my mind, everyone is looking at him for the Jack O's and literally nobody is joining. And it's incredible. what else happens? This is great. I've got a great stuff in my. And can I just say, you know what that reminds me of in old school? When Will Ferrell says, we're going streaking and he's the only one. Anyway, so after chanting that a few times, apparently only him, he sang an AC DC song and left. I bet I know which one he sang. Which one? I've got big balls. You've m got big balls. If that wasn't good enough, he proceeded to walk to a strip club with some of his coworkers, where he would eventually get a stripper's phone number. On the way, he stopped, climbed up the side of the Harvard club, stood on the windowsill and peed on the window. God, is he a catch. He can't possibly still be single. The ladies have got to be lined up around the block. This guy yeah. In front of coworkers he has never really hung out with outside of work. At some point in the night, I also think he went back to his office and took a guy's tie and ran it through the shredder. Sorry. All in all, it was a pretty good party. It was a pretty good party. So let me backtrack. So this loser gets absolutely shit faced. the alcohol being paid for by the law firm while employed at a bank. Right. And proceeds to create a chant, or at least attempt to create a chant. That that law firm that got him shit. Fate sucks. Seeing no support for that particular movement, he is going to sing some AC DC song. I'm still going with my selection because I doubt he went into Back in Black. And then after that goes to a strip club with some of the coworkers. Yes. Gets the stripper's phone number, which I assume means he tipped really well. But that's an assumption. I don't know that industry, but that's an assumption. And then he goes up the side of the Harvard Club and he stands on what? The window sill? Is that what you said? Yeah. And relieves himself on the window. In front of coworkers he doesn't really hang out with. Is that the same coworkers he went to the strip club with? Because obviously at that point, your brother's now, because yes, all sorts of things happen there, is what I hear. yeah. That sounds like an amazing festival of bad decisions, Stella. Ah. right. I mean, I've been to Christmas parties where people were drinking and acting stupid, but not like this. Have you? Okay, yes. Many times I'll share a story that's recent, not too recent, but within the past ten years, I'll share that story before we close the episode out. My personal story. Spoiler alert, I'm not peeing on anybody's windows, and there is no strip club involved. But it's still kind of amusing. Prior to that, the 90s were wild. The 90s had great parties. Great parties. Ah. Still, none of this, though. All of this in a row. No, this is amazing. But you know what's? he shred a tie, which is just frat boy like, spectacular. I don't even know why that would occur to someone. But you know what's far better thing to shred than a tie? What is that? Ah, mediocre results. That's true. Yeah. So you can give your company and your bottom line the gift of uncommonly impressive results with Escatena. From, supply chain to sustainability, your engagement with Escatena will lead to innovative solutions that deliver faster than Santa can wolf down cookies. And that's fast. That's damn fast. Learn more at WW dot escatenna. Net that is escatena net or reach out to one of their magical elves at unleash@escatena.net shred those ties. Yes. You got to love that dedicated help. So let's move slightly away from Debauchery. Even though there's probably a million stories about that. I'm sure there's some in our inbox still. And into some drama for your mama stories. Okay, first one. My employer decided that on that particular Christmas and for the first time, staff could bring along their wives, husband's, significant others. One of my close colleagues, slightly overrefreshed. That means drunk. Nudged the woman he was standing next to, nodded at a male and a female colleague, both out on the dance floor, and said, he's been beep her all year. Probably screwing her all year. I think that's fair to say. Yeah. The woman he was talking to was the guy's wife. There was a scene in which in my colleague had his lights punched out. The company never invited significant others again. Damn, I wish I was there. God, that's good tea. So for those of you in the audience picture, let's put names to these personas, right? We're going to pretend we're software developers. We're going to have those little personas, right? Okay, so this is persona is a woman named Emily. Emily is attending as the plus one to her husband's Christmas party. Emily's not much of a dancer. Emily chooses to stay on the sides, watching her husband interact with co workers on the dance floor. Next persona is Jeremy. Jeremy is a co worker of Emily's husband. We haven't named Emily's husband. What are we going to name her? What's his persona? Bob. I like Bob. Jeremy works with Bob. Jeremy is hammered. Jeremy sees Bob dancing with got to name the person he's dancing with. Tasha. Who's? Cell. What's her name? Tasha. Tasha. Sure. Yeah. So Bob and Tasha, are dancing on the dance floor. Jeremy watching that happen. Hammered Emily standing near Jeremy. Jeremy, having no damn clue who he's talking to, doesn't know who the hell that is, but feels it's important to spill the tea nonetheless. Nudges. Emily's elbow and says, gesturing at Tasha and Bob, that the two of them have been getting to know each other in the biblical sense all year. I'm trying to keep it PG 13. It's holiday season. yes. Emily, distressed at this new bit of information, marches her ass out to the dance floor, and in my mind's eye, breaks the two of them up like Jerry Springer style. Just, like, busts in there, pushes one back, steps up to her husband and says what she has to say. And I'm sure there was a lot of screaming. Tasha, I imagine, confused and bewildered as to the sudden turn of events, is frozen in place. I'm going to take the story a little bit further. And there's some hair pulling involved. Emily is small but scrappy. Emily's throwing haymakers at Tasha. like, how dare you? Bob wondering how this happened. Looks to where Emily was standing, and who does he see there? Oh, it's Jeremy. He now knows. Emily punched Bob. Emily's punching everybody with those haymakers. I think that might be tied to the Tooth Chip story. Now that I think about it. That could be like waving your hands in the air. Oh, that was it. He was telling the story of this party. So the first guy who was telling the story, that Chipped the girl's Tooth, was telling the story about this party, and he has his hands up in the air because he's like, this Emily. Chip was throwing haymakers with their hands like this and knocked the beer bottle, chip the Tooth and all. We already know what happened there. In my mind's eye, there is, like, juzitsu happening on the floor between Emily and Tasha, because Emily's about had enough of this bullshit. And then Bob seeing Jeremy putting two and two together, that Jeremy's, the one that called him out, marches his humiliated butt over to where Jeremy standing near the bar and knocks his lights out, which, again, has everybody really confused and yet still cheering because everyone knows about Bob. And, like, there are people whispering, like, the balls on this critter that he's dancing with his mistress while his wife is right there, dude. So, yeah, that's how it plays out in my mind. Emily's blonde, and so is Tasha. Tasha looks like, a timu version of Emily. In my mind. Emily's classy A. Timu. Emily costs. In my world, Emily would be priceless, and Tasha is maybe 299. I don't know. I don't know, Tasha. This is all playing out in my head. That's all. But I think that was a solid decision by the company to not have plus ones. You know, it'd be a better decision by them. really, reinforce that your coworkers shouldn't have those kinds of affairs. Yeah, because nobody wins in that scenario. Just maybe wins. Nobody wins. All right, I've got one for you. It may not be as good as that last one, because that last one was like again, I just wish I was there sitting at a table. Maybe they had popcorn off to the side for, like, snacks. Grab my little popcorn. Watch it. Maybe get my phone out this one. I work in a nonprofit agency of the blind, and a large percentage of our staff is blind. That would make sense. At the last holiday party, management hired a DJ and told him to come up with some icebreaker games. This isn't going to end well, is it? No, it's not. The setup is already ridiculous. Okay? I know. Yes, it is. Okay. the only icebreaker this DJ could come up with was a game where players had to keep toilet paper rolls in between their legs, and another player had to use a toilet plunger to spare the rolls from between the other person's legs. Ow. can we just can we just can we just give me a second. Here because, that DJ because. I'm envisioning the game. I'm envisioning the game. First of all, it's very phallic and not appropriate as an icebreaker game. There are so many other things besides put the plunger stick in the toilet paper roll hole. Come on, come on, come on. You're at a work event, but sober people would have difficulty there because just how awkward it is and how weird it is. It's a holiday party. People would drink. That's not a good idea. Why is that? The icebreaker you chose for a holiday party where the majority of the attendees are vision impaired, it's playing out in my mind's eye, and I don't like it. I don't like it. the writer says what this amounted to was that we had a bunch of blind people thrusting a wooden plunger at each other's crotches. It did not end well. Ow. Can you imagine? Yes, I can. Yes, I can. That's the problem. I can vividly imagine. I can vividly imagine. I don't even understand who does that. Stella, can you imagine? So crazy. Bring this guy over to kids party. What do you do? Okay, kids, I know. Here's how we're going to play toilet paper role in the plunger. Like, you need a better repertoire. Dude. Of icebreakers. Good God. Absolutely. I know this much. I would be very careful about going to the holidays with a bad culture, let alone a bad culture that generates a DJ that brings toilet plungers to an event with vision impaired people. You can't make diamonds from that coal in your Christmas stocking. Thankfully, we have Hire my mom to help hire my mom works closely with us, to get the most highly qualified candidates in record time. If you are frustrated with hundreds of resumes in your inbox and no qualified candidates for your role, you need to do something different. AI. Is great for efficiency, but may be missing that perfect addition to your team. To accelerate your business, visit, hiremymom.com and get 15% off job listings with Code toxic tea room at checkout. Do it. Somebody's going to be looking for a DJ on hire my mom is what. They'Re going to be doing. Yes, for sure. So here's a quick list of short holiday stories, okay? And Stella, I'd like you to pick your favorite. So we're going to do these in numbers. Okay? Here's the first one. So number one, the employee who tried to photocopy his bum but managed to smash the glass in the process, he ended up in a hospital with shards of glass sticking out his rear end. I think everybody tries to do that at some point. And I don't understand why. I've never tried. I've certainly never tried. But I have heard this. I've tried my hand. Hands are different. Hands are different. Yeah. I've never understood people who said, you know what? Be funny right now. Let me xerox my ass. Why? I know why. Nobody wants to see it. Must have a fetish. I don't know. He got what he deserved. Okay, number two the employee who attempted to do the, quote, pulling the tablecloth from beneath the glasses trick but ended smashing all of them and spraying wine all over everyone. You don't say. You're not houdini, sir. Ah. Number three, the poor director who made a big show of proposing to his girlfriend in front of everyone. she said no. Oh. Confessing that she'd been having a six month long affair with his co director. Dang, that's important. Drama again. Popcorn is a great snack, everybody. If you haven't had your holiday parties yet, do yourself a solid and say, we need to have, after dinner and stuff, have a little snack bar area with just little bags of popcorn so that people can not only snack during dancing and whatnot, but when stuff like this happens. You're ready? You've got your popcorn? Okay, let's go. And pinkies up when you spill that tea. here's another one. Number four the employee who showed up completely sober, but out of breath and drenched in sweat. Okay, within minutes, three, police showed up and arrested him for causing a public disturbance. That's unfair. What could have I want the backstory of that. I do, too. He was completely sober, but was, like. Hauling ass to get to his company party, apparently. What did he do? Did he go stripping? I mean, something happened. I don't know. Oh, my God. The love struck. Here's the next one. The love struck employee who serenaded his office crush. Oh, God. Unfortunately, her boyfriend, who was present, didn't take it very well. A fight erupted and both ended up in cells for the night. Those are jail cells. So which one is your favorite cell? Is it the, jailbirds lovebirds to jailbirds? the mystery one. Which? That one intrigues the hell out of me, I think. I'll tell you what, audience, do us a favor. Write the rest of that story. Write the rest of the employee who showed up dead sober, panting, out of breath, drenched in sweat, and then three minutes later, cops show up and haul them off for causing a public disturbance. I would like the audience to email us at the teabag@toxictroom.com in the subject line. Just put rest of the story and tell us, what the backstory is to that, because we genuinely don't know and the submitter didn't tell us. I say you guys fill in the blanks. We'll read it on a next episode before Christmas. or is it the poor director who proposed to his girlfriend in front of everyone and she said no, and then again in front of everyone, said, because I've been having an affair with your co director? Or is it the whole pull the tablecloth from beneath the glasses trick and not well, there? Or the first one with Mr. Xerox my ass, which is your favorite. So I think the mystery one is my favorite because I want to imagine a lot of different things that could be happening, but just based on purely not knowing what happened. I thought it was if someone came up and they're like, oh, my God. And then policemen come up. Yeah, they're arresting him at your company party for causing a public disturbance somewhere else. What did you do? And to run and be drenched in sweat was, like, a couple of miles away. Where did you park? There's so much to unpack there. I have to agree with you. I think that's my favorite. Yeah. Anyway, well, here's one last quick story that I'm kind of ashamed to say made me laugh quite a bit. Like, you ever get the giggles? Oh, my God, that's so funny. Me? Absolutely not. I guess it was just my weird sense of humor. So here it goes. It's nice to be able to have a laugh with your boss, but at our party, the CEO bought the Project Manager, a project management for Dummies book as a Secret Santa gift. Unfortunately, she didn't see the funny side and actually left the room crying. So I find that funny. You're a sadist look. You're like, oh, my God, that's hilarious. Look at her leave the room, crushed and cried. Obviously, it's a gag gift. Can I remind you what podcast we host? Can I just remind you of the name of the podcast we host? Think about it. You're a project manager. You're all serious. You're like, Seriously, guys, you don't get the joke. It's yuck yuck. I don't know. Oh, my God, look at her running away in pain and humiliation. That is a knee slapper. I thought I knew you. I don't want her to feel bad, but I think she's taking it too seriously. It's a gag gift. Of course, I do know. Like, I've played Secret Santa, with coworkers before. And let's just say I still have some of them because I was hoping to get rid of them the next year. Like, I have this, really cheesy golf playing frame that looks like it came from the Dollar Store. Probably did. And I don't play golf and I don't want it. But anyway, we don't have any more for today. I'm looking through the papers. No. So I want to share my personal holiday party story. Oh, yes. Okay. So let me think. Circa maybe 2017 ish somewhere in there. Somewhere in there. 2016. 2017? Somewhere in there. maybe 2018? No, later than that. I worked for a firm in Indianapolis, your neck of the woods. And it was supply chain. So December is never a good month to host holiday parties for work in supply chain in December because it's typically one of the busiest months of the year for shipping. Yes. And it's not possible to get away. So. It's not at all uncommon in our industry to actually defer holiday parties to January, right? Yes. Plus, you get the rooms cheaper, so I think that has something to do with it, too. We're not a high margin industry. so this party was actually in January, I think it was the second week of January after year's. And, it was a startup because I don't like myself and I keep putting myself through startup pain. It was a startup. And, my husband and I came in. We lived in Chicago at the time. So we drove in for the party. And the party started at the office for those that wanted to show their plus ones where they worked. So we went to the office. I wanted to show my husband so that he could visualize when I'm in Indianapolis, this is where I am. This is my exact seat. This is what we do here. It was a cool office. and so we went to the office. While I anticipated they might have some refreshments at the office, I was ill prepared for the, prepare for war size. We've cleared out Costco, bottles of alcohol that were present. Wow. And I reported to the chief operating officer, who was a jovial person. Every day of the week was particularly jovial now. And, ah, he came over, greeted me heartily in a booming voice, met my husband. They share the same name, so that was even funnier. And then said, Get yourself a drink. And I said, I will, which is my way of saying it's not going to happen because why would I start drinking now? Because the venue was actually a couple of blocks away. This was just like the show people where you work. And then we are all supposed to head over to the actual party. And he looked at me and said, Drink. And he handed me a shot of Fireball, which I oh, fireball. Now, I don't drink often. I'm not a regular drinker. I am a social drinker. And I don't go out much. So that already gives you a hint of how things are going to go. Yes. I had never had fireball in my life. For all of those that might be gasping at, how is that possible? You are such a worldly woman. Let's review. I don't drink except socially, and I don't go out very much. I work constantly. I have zero life outside of my grandkids once in a while. I don't have a social life. Okay. I don't go to the bar and hang out. That's just not how I do things. because I'm an adult now. You can't work as hard as I work, the hours I work, and say, you know what? What do you want to do tonight? I don't know. Let's just go get hammered. It doesn't work with my life. Does not sound appeasing. No. And so Fireball, for those of you that are equally a tea totaler. Like me. Fireball, is a cinnamon liqueur. The first taste of it is quite delightful and refreshing. And cinnamon is a very holiday esque, flavor. But see, then the fire kicks in. So the fire part is where it says, did you like that? Now taste my wrath, said Satan. That's fireball. Okay, that was yummy. Now taste my wrath. So he made me do three of those. And when I say made roberta, you're a grown woman. Roberta, you're a grown woman. He didn't make you do anything. I promise you. When I say make you, this is my boss. This is a sea level executive at the company who was my direct manager. And every time I said, no, I'm good, he would hand me a filled shot glass of, fireball and said, Drink it. And where am I supposed to put it? We're in the office. It's not like I could distract him and just put it away somewhere. He stood there and watched me drink it. So I did three of those. And then I said, you know, we're going to head over to the venue. And so we make our way over to the venue, my husband and I. And people started filtering out at the office to do the same thing. And at the venue, there was food set up. and it's no reflection on the venue. It's just most of it wasn't stuff I would eat. I'm not being snobby. It just wasn't to my taste. So the stuff that I did eat, I took a little bit of that, went to a chair hoping to eat, because I had three shots of fireball within a half hour. I'm feeling fine. Like, let's just be clear, I'm feeling great. I'm in a great mood at this point. I'm not feeling no pain, but I'm having a good time. Our table is filled with coworkers and their plus ones. And we're all having a great time. Everyone's probably talking really loud. We weren't a big company. We had maybe only 50 people at the party. You would have swore there was 1000 people there, the way we were going on. Wow. And then from across the room, I hear my boss. Like, I'm nowhere seated near him. He is literally across the room, call by name at the top of his voice to come by. So I go. He calls a couple of other people, too, and he's giving us shots of fireball. I don't even know how much fireball I drank, because after a while, you lose count. And I, didn't have enough food to offset it very much. My husband had some drinks, but nowhere near, because my boss is not ordering my husband to do anything. He's just fine making me drink. our CEO was there. And the only thing that was terrifying about our CEO and my husband called this out because I didn't notice my husband asked if he was actually human, because he watched that guy put away a ton of alcohol, and it looked like he had nothing. Oh, wow. And it wasn't like he was drinking water, saying it was vodka, like it's coming from the same glass. We're all getting forced to drink, like, the same bottle, and he's downing him, and it was nothing. I said, I don't know. I don't think he's very human myself. So my husband and I go to walk. Now, one quick annotation is, some cities have those scooters that have an app, and you can download on the app. You pick up the scooter, you go where you want to go, and you leave it. So indianapolis has lots of those, and as you know, stel. And we on the way to the venue from the office, where we were already feeling fairly jovial. We look at the scooters, and we say, man, that would be fun to try. But then we convince ourselves now's not a good time. We've kind of had a little bit to drink. Maybe on the way back. Maybe on the way back. So we leave the venue, and I am, beyond hammered. I don't even know. My husband is in far better shape than me, but he's still not in shape to do the scooter. He is the wise one to look at it and say, because I say, okay, here's the scooters. We can take the scooter back to the hotel. And it was like, a three block walk. And my husband looks and says, you know, maybe not. And I look at the scooter, and I'm like, maybe you're right. I don't feel like downloading the app. That was my logic. I don't feel like downloading the app. That's too much work. Way too much work. So we walk to the hotel again, three blocks, tops. And I am not, in a good place. I had to stop and take a break. Our hotel had these big, huge columns in front of it. I know it was a hilton property, but I don't remember exactly what brand of hilton it was. And it had these big, huge columns. It was an older building that had been refurbed into a hotel. And these gorgeous columns out front. Now, out front of the hotel, where we had a room inside. We make it three blocks to those columns, and I say, I need to take a break. I'm at the hotel. Ah, yeah. And I'm leading up against those columns, and my husband's like, we're right here, honey. Can we go upstairs? No, not just yet. I need to take a break now. I don't recall all of that clearly. The only reason I can recount it clearly is because my soulmate, my better half, my heart and soul, the love of my life, chooses at that moment to take out his phone, and video the entire next set of events. He's over there asking me questions. He's laughing at me. And I'm like, stop laughing. I need a minute. Just give me a minute. Finally peels me off of the column. We walk through the lobby. I have no idea how loud we were compared to anyone else. And it's really late because we left when there was there's always that time in the party where you have to make a decision. You're either going to leave now while you still physically could, right? Or if you stay, you know, it's not going to be good. Like, it's going to end up in either the best story ever, or you're going to be violently ill. So we left right at that time. We're like, you know what? We think our time is now. And it was already quite late, but we said we're going to go. So there wasn't a lot of people in the lobby. But there's my husband videoing me, and I'm trying to make my way to these old elevators because the building was built in the 20s. We get in the elevators, we find our room somehow, and then he stops the videotape. The rest I do remember. The rest I unfortunately remember quite well. So none of that is really extraordinary. It's just two middle aged people coming home a little inebriated from a work party. Not a lot of fun there, right? I had had a lot of fireball to drink, and I mean a lot. And I wanted to go change and take my makeup off. And for those of you that are not women, you don't understand that. That is something you do. You never go to sleep with makeup on. That is a bad idea. So it's just something we do. It doesn't matter what state we're in. You know, it's bad if we go to sleep with makeup on. Like, that was a really rough, night. That was really bad. I was not that rough. So I went to change and take off my makeup. I can't believe we're doing a potty story, but at least there's no poop involved. So as I'm standing there taking off my makeup, I realize my body says, hey, you know what be cool? If you could actually pee. Would be great if you could do that for me right now. And I thought to myself, I think I can make that happen. And so I turned, which just turning to orient. It's a small bathroom, because, again, this is an older hotel that had been, older building refurbed into a hotel under a Hilton property. So the room wasn't big, and the bathroom certainly wasn't. But you face the mirror, right? So if you orient yourself facing the mirror, the toilet is directly to my left. And then the shower would have been behind me. So it's a very small kind of linear space. It's not even a box. It's more like a rectangle. And when I simply turned so that I could face the toilet. I lost my balance and my head hit the wall above the toilet, really hard. But because I was absolutely wrecked from fireball, all I said was a meek little ow. My husband hears what sounds like elephants crashing through a dining room. It wasn't an, elegant fall. So he comes into the bathroom, sees me on the floor, holding my hand to my head, and I'm just saying, I hit my head on the wall. He goes, Sweetheart, how did you do that? I said, I don't really know. So he helps me up. I then remember I still have to use the bathroom, so he's helping me. So at this point, it's like the blind leading the blind. No disrespect to our prior story, even though I recognize that there's toilet paper, perhaps plungers involved. I don't know. I didn't look around. So we get all of that taken care of. I go to bed, I wake up 2 hours later and I have to vomit. Like it's that bad. It's the kind that your body is saying, okay, just so you don't die of alcohol poisoning. Right. We don't have the benefit of letting you sleep this off. We need to get rid of some of this now. And I did. And everybody feels better after they throw up. And I did. And then I glanced at myself in the mirror as I was washing, up. And I have a knot on my head the size of a baseline. God. Ow. and I'm still drunk. I have to be clear, because it's only been 2 hours, I'm still completely drunk. I remember looking at myself in the mirror going, wow, that's a big bump. Yeah. And so then I go back to bed, I sleep a few more hours, I sleep a few more hours. And then I get up to use the restroom again to vomit again. And I'm starting to feel slightly less drunk. Like, not okay yet. Just I'm not as wasted as I was a few hours prior. We had to drive back to Chicago and there was a blizzard. So that's just. We on the cake. That's right. So we get showered, get dressed, pack up our stuff. it's early in the morning, it's

like 08: 49:02

00 a.m.. And we're heading back to Chicago. And we wanted to leave extra early because we knew we'd be facing this weather. We didn't realize it was going to be as bad as it was. So for those of you unfamiliar with the drive times, chicago to Indy is absent traffic, which can snarl everything up, usually about 3 hours, give or take. Yes. It took us five and a half hours to get home and we didn't make any stops.

Now, I sobered, up. We left the hotel at 08: 49:28

00 a.m. I was sober, where I know I was sober at roughly lunch. Lunchtime is when I was finally sober. Wow. And that's when my head became excruciatingly painful. So the moral of the story is roberta got pressured by her boss hole so much that she gave her silly ah ass a literal concussion, because that's what it ended up being. I gave myself a concussion in the hotel bathroom, kids, from turning around. All I did was turn my body's. Like, what was that? that's not what we do. Way too fast. Way too fast. What are you doing? It was not fun. But again, it was a holiday party. The good news is there wasn't a whole lot of the shenanigans that we talked about, though. There was a whole lot of drinking and, yeah, the CEO's drinking level. To be able to remain that coherent after what he was putting away frightened. I'm not sure that he was human. He might have been an alien. I don't know. That's crazy. It's disgusting. this has been quite the drunken dramatic horror story episode. milder than our Halloween, which is appropriate. This is not about scary things or gross or frightening. This is about holiday cheer. Maybe too much cheer gift giving. We're going to have at least one more of these in December, folks. Probably right before the new year, I think. Yeah, right before New Year. So send in your stories. Remember, we also want to hear your take, gentle listeners, on why that guy got arrested, what happened? What's the rest of that story? Please be safe and responsible this holiday season. don't do what I did. keep sending those stories into the teabag@toxictroom.com. Yes, and please subscribe and follow us on LinkedIn, X, Insta, and TikTok. And you can also support us by supporting our various affiliates and our patreon. so look on our blog for. Additional information, and we will share this episode and resources. But what resources are we sharing? Okay, alcoholic. Aa.com. I am going to put up something for the Lighthouse find, I think, so that you guys can make donations. It's a very worthwhile institution. I'll figure out what resources I don't know. I'm going to take ownership of this one. A production team can't have this one. I'm going to figure out what resources we can put in here. They'll all be in the show notes and on our blog@toxicteeroom.com. Blog. And, oh, by the way, by the way, I forgot the elves have been hard at work. Yes. If you, go to our LinkedIn page and you've seen a little sneaky peek of some of our new merch, we're going to have our merch store up. You can probably the, boss Hole mug is my favorite. You know, who needs that? Yes. So one last shout out to Santa. For doing our disclaimer. And, people, don't get yourself on the naughty list. Yeah, give it a best. Bye bye, snowball. Take it easy. We love you, snowball. Bye bye. Never silent.